My Chemical Romance
Notes on casual sex, as told through Gianni Versace's Fall-Winter '92 'Miss S&M' collection
A series that looks at dating through a fashion lens, covering both a love of designer collections and forgotten romantic encounters of the past.
Arguably one of his greatest collections and a personal favourite of mine is Gianni Versace’s Fall-Winter 1992 show, aptly titled ‘Miss S&M’. Causing quite a stir at the time due to its explicit and sexual undertones, this show has spoken to me in many ways since its runway debut.
With a keen focus on bondage demonstrated through designs that incorporated harnesses, golden chains and buckles, and decorative stud finishes, the collection was a reminder that sex is sexy, but from a safe distance. Despite featuring varied styles - including the famed fringed asymmetrical skirt presented again in a later collection by Donatella - at the heart of the show was a sense of provocation and designs adhering to quaint sexual connotations.
So, why do I go back to one of the most prolific collections of all time? Well, the answer is simple, really. I relate heavily to a collection that portrays sex without actually having any.
Now that I’m approaching mid-thirties, I allow myself one good party every 1-3 months. This is partially due to slower recovery times and in part because I adore being adored when I eventually do enter a club setting. Addicted to the highs of being a guest star in the club night’s critically acclaimed feature film once a quarter, I am sure to make the dancefloor my lover for the night till morning comes, and often thereafter. Writhing sweaty bodies, the air thick with cigarette smoke and random kisses of appreciation from friends, all add to the allure of my rare night out.
For the duration of my freedom from captivity - that is, the shag rug on my living room floor - I am married to the dancefloor and have little romantic interest in the people on it. Often asked why I won’t make out and eventually go home with one of the subjects I spend time getting to know over the next 12 hours. Instead, I long for a slow burn similar to that of Bridgerton’s second season and to me, there’s nothing sexier than not having sex. Allow me to explain.
In 2022, I fell in love. A brief love affair and not a story with anyone’s desired outcome, I foolishly fell in love with the feeling of being in love and with that came an intimacy that cannot be replicated through one-night stands, at least not for me. That love broke me in both the best and the worst of ways, but taught me distinct lessons in intimacy, later becoming more disciplined with whom I allowed to see me that vulnerable.
If I were to describe sex while in love, I would compare it to finding rare vintage boots in your size or acquiring really expensive things for free. At this level of intimacy, ecstasy courses through the body and that euphoria offers a safeness, closeness and vulnerability that allows you to co-exist, instead of perform. With the rise in chemsex, sex; that to me once felt like a mutual exchange, often feels transactional and a race to the finish line. An ideal I have little interest in, as, if I wanted something speedy and robotic, I would simply open my top left drawer.
Relating my own inadvertent abstinence with this runway collection, Tim Blanks, who once described the collection as “aggressively sexual”, also said of the show, “there’s something about the sex in these shows that has a very look but don’t touch quality. They’re physically provocative, but I think they’re also intellectually provocative,” and despite not being a garment I relate to this sentiment. I long to be desired in a way that includes a softness that I personally do not find in fleeting one-night engagements. Instead, feeling empty and unfulfilled after the fact. I realise that at this stage in my life, I do not enjoy being lusted over; in fact, I’d much prefer to be loved, cared for and ultimately, adored when reaching that level of intimacy.
I’m lucky enough to live in a city where sexual freedom and sexual liberation are ever-present. You’ll likely only be called a whore as a means of humour rather than humiliation, and it’s almost encouraged to sleep with whomever you please, whenever you want (consensually, of course). Though my personal decision not to indulge is not solely because of my 2022 encounter. Still, I would be lying if I said it hasn’t affected my decision-making since, because when I think back on my most beautiful and intimate moments with a partner, I was in love.
For me, brief entanglements with strangers feel more exposing, naked and vulnerable than they do satisfactory, and in choosing to abstain, I’m often penalised by peers for not wanting to partake. However, Gianni’s S&M collection serves as a reminder to me that not having sex can still be sexy, and portraying your inhibitions through apparel and a general, overall attitude doesn’t necessarily mean having to act on them. In short, I can still look like sex without partaking. Perhaps I, too, am a caged design. To be looked at, misunderstood, appreciated, and, of course, remain untouched.
“Sexuality is returning to sort of the big tease. What you’re seeing when you see women in bondage straps is you’re seeing the sort of fashion equivalent of Playboy Magazine in the ‘50s. When people didn’t have sex, they looked at sex”.
-Michael Gross, New York Magazine
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